For Unit 4's audio on practicing loving-kindness, I enjoyed it for the most part. The relaxation pieces made me want to fall asleep, but the visualizing people and opening my heart to feel a certain way was interesting. I easily visualized my 19-month-old son, and could feel myself beaming. He is my only pure happiness right now. I could easily feel the emotions and myself open up during this. I could picture a person possibly suffering, my 88 year old grandma. She is being cared for in an assisted living home in Massachusetts because she is becoming more and more unstable on her feet. I don't always know what is going on in my family because I live in Washington state and most of my family resides on the east coast in Massachusetts and Rhode Island.
The parts I had a hard time with was the big empty-ness of the sound of waves. It was relaxing, but I didn't know what to be thinking about at times so I was drifting to sleep but was startled each time the voice started up! Then the part about visualizing a field of people in front of you; family, friends, and enemies. I actually do have an enemy at the moment and I just couldn't put that person there. I had no problem putting everyone else there in front of me, my son, his father, my family. But that one person, ooh, just couldn't do it! Maybe its my anger, resentment, I don't know! I just wasn't able to give that person a kind thought or feeling. It could be something inside of me still dealing with the person because of a complicated relationship.
This is a kind of exercise I know I should be practicing everyday. As our reading in the texts have stated about the relationship between lifestyle/ attitudes and heart disease, I feel as if I am setting myself up for a heart attack one of these days. My constant negative attitude and outlook really needs to change! I feel as though my only happiness I have is my son sometimes!
Lauren, I think that it's great that are addressing the fact that you have had a negative attitude, that is as they say the first step. Now that you have acknowledged it you can start with baby steps to change the feelings and let go of the negative vibes. Have you found any activities that help relieve stress. Having a positive release is very helpful and it releases happy hormones:)
ReplyDeleteGood Luck,
Rachel
Lauren, I hope you do not have a heart attack one day.It's good that you enjoyed the meditation. I could not fight my sleep. That is funny to me. Whenever I become well in tuned to music or dancing colors like that I fall asleep. I can not help myself. I hope that you can get away from those negative attitudes. If your son is your happiness, draw from that for positivity.
ReplyDeleteLauren
ReplyDeleteI to found it difficult to calm my mind in between the person talking during the time that the waves sounds were occurring.Being a young mother, going to school and working is exhausting. I had a very negative attitude until the last couple of years. I was in a marriage to a person I didn't like. I was overweight and had very low self esteem. My self esteem has risen through the years but my resentfulness towards the father of my children has not. I have learned though that you cant control anyone other than your self and you cant change anyone but yourself. Every day you should smile even if your entire day has been crap. You would be surprised by your smiling will cause other people to smile there for making you feel better. It sounds a little corny but I find that if you put out a positive attitude good things will happen.
My children are the center of my life and they provide so much happiness to me. They are positive influence in my life and will love me no matter what happens. That love is peaceful.
Hi Lauren, I too was not sure how to use the area of the waves it was very hard not to fall asleep but as soon as the commentator voice came back in it woke me right up. Did you notice her voice tone; it was stern almost as if she knew we would be sleep. I never meditated until I started teaching group x classes. It is really a good tool use and prepares yourself mentally for your daily activities. I find the more I meditate the calmer I become.
ReplyDeleteJanice
Hello Lauren,
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you about the parts of the Love and Kindess exercise where my mind would go in all sorts of directions. I could think of people suffering whether it was something so simple as the feeling of filling up your gas tank or something gigantic such as cancer. No matter what, people has moments where they are not happy and they also have moments of happiness. Just like you mentioned, you feel as though you need to be more positive yet your son brings you the most happiness you'd ever want. The way we are built, we are not perfect and no matter what there is always something that is going to get in the way of our life that we do not care for. The trick is to learn how to get past that with just a blink of an eye rather than dwelling on it for along period of time.
I also live in Washington state, right on the border of Oregon in Vancouver. The weather can also put a lag in your step when it constantly rains and the trees are beginning to become naked. But what I love about the Pacific Northwest is that we cherish sunny, beautiful days because we rarely get them throughout the Fall and Winter!
I hope that you have a great week and I look forward to reading more of your blogs.